Happy Valentine’s Day! We’re spending the day starring into each others eyes and listing the reasons we admire the other person, so we’re unable to get into the studio. Here is our conversation about A Good Day to Die Hard.
We enter the theater and see a recognizable face.
JULIE: Um, that’s Leonard Maltin. Does this mean we’re kind of legit?
TRACI: Definitely. Should we talk to him?
JULIE: Maybe we could open with something about Dorner, that seems like common ground for everyone right now.
The lights dim and we realize our rendezvous with Maltin isn’t going to happen. He most likely frowns upon people talking to him (or talking in general) during movies. He sits to our left, he does not choose center. We do not know what this means, but we will probably start sitting to the left as well.
There are several moments of laughter during the movie, but not at the times when something was supposed to be funny. The lights come up and we head out.
JULIE: I would like to sum up the movie with these two quotes “Damn you, John!” – Jack McClane “But I’m on vacation” – John McClane
TRACI: He really ran with that line, like it was his catchphrase.
JULIE: I guess since it’s kind of a theme in the Die Hard movies, him being on “vacation.” Wait, have you not seen any of the Die Hard movies?
TRACI: Maybe the first one, I think I saw that at one point.
JULIE: You have to watch the first Die Hard it’s legitimately a good movie. There is never a time when that movie is on that I won’t watch it.
TRACI: What did you think of this one?
JULIE: Hmm…it’s not the best in the series.
TRACI: At least it was short.
JULIE: Yeah 97 minutes isn’t so bad.
TRACI: 97 minutes and 30 seconds.
Julie looks at Traci quizzically.
TRACI: That’s what the lady said, I wasn’t trying to be an asshole.
JULIE: Oh, good to know. This movie started off with one of my least favorite things.
TRACI: The car chase?
JULIE: Yep. Nothing ever happens in them.
TRACI: And this one felt really long.
JULIE: I just spend all my time thinking, who pays for all this damage? And why is no one stopping it, where are the police in Russia?
TRACI: Hiding from car chases? I didn’t like all the relationship building between the dad and son.
JULIE: Yeah, it was like they were trying to add depth, but it’s an action movie just shoot things.
TRACI: And blow things up! Now I’m not expecting amazing dialogue in a movie like this, but this was pretty bad.
JULIE: With gems like Yippe Ki-Yay Mother Russia…I think whoever did the marketing for the movie might have also written it.
TRACI: Or they just had their summer intern do it.
JULIE: There was so much glass in this movie. People falling through glass or glass falling on people.
TRACI: I know! This movie made me feel like a wimp because my boot is rubbing up against my toe and I need to sit down, but they went through windows and got shot and kept going.
JULIE: They were pretty indestructible. Like when the bomb went off and they were like, “We’re fine we’ve got these file cabinets here to protect us from the flames, sorry everyone else that you didn’t have the foresight to hide behind a file cabinet.”
TRACI: So much of the action seemed comical. I guess that’s why people were laughing.
JULIE: Yeah it was a mix between cheesy unbelievable moments and things like when that guy got hit by the helicopter.
TRACI: Did you ever watch ER?
JULIE: Of course.
TRACI: Do you remember when that mean little doctor guy got his arm chopped off by a helicopter?
JULIE: I do.
TRACI: That’s all I could think about, and then I started thinking about ER for the rest of the movie.
JULIE: Missing Noah Wyle?
TRACI: Yes! Have I told you how much I like him?
JULIE: I believe that’s something we’ve discussed.
TRACI: I worry about him, what’s he up to?
JULIE: I think he’s on a new series, Falling Skies, or something? About aliens maybe, not really sure. But I think he’s fine.
TRACI: Oh good, that makes me feel better. If only I’d known that during the movie I could have spent less time worrying about him.
JULIE: So…the villain with the carrot?
TRACI: Right, what was that? It was a nice pop of color but c’mon that was just weird.
JULIE: I’m not even sure when he had time to get a carrot amidst all the high speed chases.
TRACI: He probably just carries one with him in case he ever needs to be menacing. Because guns are only mildly threatening.
JULIE: And then he started dancing. They really paint Russians as an odd bunch in this. Maybe just the terrorists are weird?
TRACI: Don’t forget about the cab driver and his singing.
JULIE: Sadly, I don’t think I will ever be able to forget that. I really wanted him to be like Argyle in the first one.
TRACI: Would you recommend this movie?
JULIE: It’s short, action packed, and keeps you mostly entertained. But there’s a lot of stupid parts. It’s worth a rental, I guess. You?
TRACI: I don’t think so. It’s just not my kind of movie.
JULIE: Do you want to go watch the original Die Hard?
TRACI: (shrugs) I guess.
JULIE: Do you want to go Pintrest pictures of Noah Wyle?
If you’re not familiar with the Die Hard series you can watch the trailer for A Good Day To Die Hard here.